Supporting a loved one in residential mental health care

Early on, the person is adjusting to new people and a new routine.

Some homes suggest a settling in period with less contact. Others encourage family contact from the start. Ask what the home recommends, and what your loved one wants.

Keep early contact simple and reliable. A short call at a regular time is easier to keep up than long visits, and it gives the person something steady to count on.

• Agree on a rhythm for calls or visits, and keep to it.
• Send cards, photos, or small packages, if the home allows them.
• Talk about ordinary things too: family news, a show you both watch, the weather. Not every conversation has to be about treatment.
• If a visit or call goes badly, try again another day.

Let the person lead. Some days they will want to talk and some days they will not. That is not a judgment on you.

Your family member is an adult. Staff can share information with you only when the person agrees, usually by signing a release of information.

If the person has not agreed, staff may not be able to tell you much, sometimes not even whether your family member lives there.

That can be painful. It is also the law protecting your loved one's privacy.

You can still share information with staff without a release. Staff can listen to what you tell them, even when they cannot tell you anything back. If there is something you think they should know, tell them.

Respect your loved one's decisions about their own life, including ones you would make differently.

• Ask who your main contact is and the best way to reach them.
• Share what you know: history, what has helped before, what tends to be hard. You know your loved one well.
• Keep messages specific and calm, even when you are worried.
• Ask how you can support the service plan from outside the home.
• If the person wants you involved, ask about joining planning meetings.

Staff work with several residents, and shifts change. A short note or a scheduled call usually gets a fuller answer than catching someone at a busy moment.

• Check visiting times and rules first.
• Keep visits to a length that works for your loved one. Shorter is fine.
• Plan something easy to do together: a walk, a meal, a game, looking at photos.
• Bring gifts or food only after checking what the home allows.
• Leave on a warm note, and say when you will be back.

Families can often help in ways staff cannot, as long as the person wants the help. Some examples:

• Bringing seasonal clothes, or replacing things that wear out.
• Helping with benefits paperwork or appointments outside the home.
• Keeping the person connected to friends, faith communities, or hobbies.
• Being a steady contact for the person's case manager, if the person agrees.

Ask first. Doing things for someone without asking can take away choices they want to make.

Sometimes a resident needs a hospital stay. If the person has agreed to share information with you, ask the home in advance how and when they would let you know.

Ask too what happens to the person's room and belongings during a hospital stay, and how the home plans for their return. Policies differ between homes.

Raise it early and directly with staff or the home's manager. Most problems are easier to solve while they are small.

Licensed homes have a grievance process. Ask for a copy. Residents can use it, and family can help them if the resident wants that.

In Oregon, residents and families can also contact the Oregon Health Authority with concerns about a licensed residential program.

If you suspect abuse or neglect, call Oregon's abuse reporting hotline at 1-855-503-7233 (SAFE). If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Our Mission and Values page explains how concerns are handled at Melrose Residential.

For many people, residential care is one stage along the way. Over time, the person and their team may start planning a move to a setting with more independence.

A discharge plan sets out where the person will go, what support they will have, and who will help.

Ask how you can help with that planning, if the person wants you involved. Think about what you can realistically offer, and be honest about it.

Supporting someone living with serious mental illness is tiring, and it can go on for years. Rest is part of the work.

• Keep up the routines that keep you well: sleep, work, friends, time outside.
• Find people who understand. Family support groups and education classes can help.
• Consider counseling for yourself, especially if guilt or worry is taking over.
• Let other relatives share the load where they can.

If the move is still ahead of you, our guide to preparing for move in covers the practical steps.

Our A Day at Melrose page shows what daily life will look like at Melrose Residential, and our admissions page covers how someone moves in.

We are pending licensure and not accepting residents or referrals yet.

If you have questions, contact us.